Day 14 – Mundane but Calmer

4 Mar

End of Day 13…………

I’m in my cell trying to write with one eye on comedian Michael McIntyre, the other on my paper. Nev’s talking in his sleep, while I hear another inmate overtly trashing his room in the 4’s cell above us. It sounds like World War 3, however the screws are sat 2 floors below. His cell mate can push the panic button all he likes but he’s better off muting him himself. I’d use a tin of tuna or two in a sock. Could you imagine being trapped in a room 12ft by 8ft with a junkie going through the hardest stages of withdrawal – Cold Turkey? I count myself lucky to have Nev dreaming about protein shakes and exercise! Another day down.

Day 14

The alarm is set early to begin a working day, I miscalculated though, those sorts of things aren’t well promoted here. The cell door stays closed till 10. Cursing a missed lay-in, Nev raises from his impressive 12 hour slumber just as the doors begin to unlock. When we can, we crack on with cleaning the railings, from the dark smudges built upon each day by residents with a miserly approach to soap dispensing. George cracks on, on the opposite side of the landing and the three of us put the world to rights over a chin wag.

Days are beginning to tick along, albeit slowly and none of the nerves I had when I first arrived here are there any more. I’m more confident in these shoes, the human adapts to his surroundings fast and what was once beneath us, quickly becomes the norm. I can handle this, I’m just counting down time now like all the other lags.

Back in the cell, Nev’s winning charm has landed us a desk load of provisions. Crackers, cheese and coffee – top man. There’s some postcards from my parents too, deviating from the usual letter based approach, I think my mum likes the idea of sending in some kind of glossy inspirational landmark images. They’ll go on the wall, fastened with toothpaste. A letter from my sister and a new canteen sheet sits on the floor too.


I’ve decided to buy rizla on this week’s sheet, so I can exchange for coffee. It seems a rare commodity here, coffee that is, unlike the cheap prison tea bags from Euro Shopper. (Yes they do sell the famed 50p Euro Shopper Chocolate bar) I’m always being asked for roll-up papers and given the importance to smokers of feeding their habit, i imagine they would be only too glad to trade their issued coffee sachets with the ability to smoke.

Thoughts of trading in mind, I head to Anthony to see if he wants to swap some sachets of fruit spreads for the coffee he doesn’t use. More time in prison will tell me, this is a terrible deal for him; but it’s ideal for me. I swagger back to my base, content in putting my salesmanship to good use. Once again, I’m outdone by Nev’s work:

2 Large Slices of Steak and Kidney Pie

3 Slice of Lemon Meringue gateaux

The head of the Servery, a man of many past guises, Fran, comes by with a handful of extra coffee sachets. “Excellent”, i think, these will tide me over for an hour. Happy days.

Sundays mean we are banged up for most of the day and little eventful happens. My only other outing today is to use the toilets on the 3’s landing, leaving quickly, thanking my lucky stars that I don’t have the responsibility of keeping that place in good order. Like it when I found it – let’s not be thinking this is my handiwork!

Another week over, I’ve doubled my last milestone, the next stage for me is the month mark. Here’s hoping I won’t still be here by that time.



2 Responses to “Day 14 – Mundane but Calmer”

  1. globalste March 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    Great work with the blog.

    You may use something similar already, but if you don’t, try downloading Windows Live Writer. It will make writing your blogs much much quicker and far easier to edit, you can also save as you go along without publishing eg typing in a cafe when no internet available.

    Your sister’s best friend’s husband.

    • disgracedbanker March 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm #

      Windows’ live writer you say? Hmmm, I’d feel like I was being unfaithful, but I’ll give it a look see.

      Thanks for the kind feedback too.

      I have a sister, who has a best pal that’s married. You’re it.

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