29 May

A stressful day with a few laughs, well one laugh actually, so here goes:

A former inmate at Ford: Neil Kinnock (Not that Neil Kinnock) was released in 2009 with many creditors on his back and the prospect of a Proceeds of Crime Confiscation Hearing. Money demanded of him that he did not have or had not had. The criminal mastermind that is Neil Kinnock (Not that Neil Kinnock) came upon an elaborately simple and potentially match-winning ruse. Changing his name by deedpoll may be the answer to his problems – his cloaking device if you will. Sadly for Neil Kinnock (Not that Neil Kinnock) this is where his problems it seems began.

Neil Kinnock (Yes, not that Neil, the former Labour MP, MEP etc) did however appear to be somewhat attached to his name, so he changed Neil to Neal. See what he did there, smart move…

Now the devotion to his birth and ancestral name did not stop there, fond too was he of his surname. Who wouldn’t be fond of  a name that is shared with one of the biggest drips in recent UK Political history. Therefore Kinnock became Kynoch, of course; real nous. Thinking this was the answer to his problems, he ignored the obvious complexities of the Identity systems in a developed country, that include Electoral Rolls, Credit files, Passport Agency, National Insurance and NHS Records; he now again resides at HMP Ford.

He has been re-sentenced for failing to pay his Proceeds of Crime Order. He was returned as Neal Kynoch, it didn’t work. I hear him today reticient to admit defeat and even offering advice to others on how to do it… Insane. Maybe he should have pleaded madness instead.

An overworked education office sees one orderly leave and me being rebuked for using sarcastic language. Me, a troublemaker?

The day is saved by the arrival of a handwritten letter from my lady love, postmarked Goa.

I write some poetry in a flat moment:

I find out the next day that I am now an ENHANCED prisoner. This means a payrise to £9.50 per week and an extra visit  a month. Playboy.

I set a new PB on the rower over 5000metre, 18 mins 55.9 seconds, then place my time on the leaderboard in the gym. It is the quickest so far, though I expect it will get beaten by my cellmate in a day or two.

I have my visits form processed which is good news. The last time I saw my sister and her husband was at the Great Hall on the morning after their wedding tucking into a lavish buffet breakfast. A flapjack and a diet coke in the visit hall is perhaps not so decadent, but is still something to look forward too. Burger and Chips for dinner, boxing on the telly and  a quiz night coming up. This weekend is at least as good as a day in Slough.

 

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